Twenty Things I'd Tell My Younger Self
Updated: Jan 30
Hello to my twenties! How am I 20, I still feel about 10! If you've been around the past six months you would've seen that Chlo posted a similar post for her birthday, I thought it was that good of an idea I just had to steal it. Considering how much of an enlightening and difficult past 12 months it has been for me, there's been quite a lot of lessons I've learnt and big changes that have occurred since my last birthday. So I thought it would be a cool idea to create a list of things I've learnt and inform my 19 year old self (not that she can hear)!
1. Milk your birthday celebrations
Well your next birthday you'll be stuck in lock down (not all so bad with the sun out and a glass of prosecco in hand), but even so completely milk your birthday celebrations. Enjoy it!
2. You're still so young
Stop wishing your life away! All you wanted was to settle down but you're 19!!!!! So so so young, you've got so much life left to live. You're going to meet some awesome people from work, travel etc. Granted, 20 is still young...but I know now I'm not ready for certain things and probably won't be for a while, but that's okay because there's so much more to life than what I thought.
3. Stop waiting around for people who will never change
Stop wasting your valuable time on false hopes people give you, they will never change and you know it. So listen to your intuition and let them go. Your time is better spent in other places and you'll learn so much more by leaving them in the past.
4. Spend more time off your phone
It's okay to turn your phone off or delete apps. It's like I have this massive fear of missing out on something if I don't scroll down my Instagram feed. But sometimes it's better, you find that you're not comparing yourself to others and you're more involved in real life than what's happening through a phone screen.
5. Bite the bullet
This is such a big one! My life is completely different to what it was 12 months ago, I dropped out of university because I knew it wasn't for me, I have a new job of which I'm in a better position than what I was. But biggest of all, I went out and started courses and now I have my own little beauty business which I can't wait to properly get started with! I was terrified of doing all those things this time last year, because I was comfortable and it was easy. But I knew I wasn't myself and it wasn't doing me any good, so the start of this year I knew I had to change it. I couldn't be any happier and I have grown so much by just doing the things that scared me. I'm learning the guitar again, expanding my business knowledge and learning new skills like songwriting! The way I see it, is what's the worst that can happen by trying something new.
6. Start the Blog!
It's crazy to think that this time last year myself and Chlo hadn't even started this blog yet. Honestly, it has been one of the best experiences I've had this year. From attending some amazing events, to working with some awesome companies and even starting our own series and just being able to sit down and voice our experiences. It's an incredible opportunity that I'm so grateful to have been given. We've met some lovely people along the way as well. If anyone is thinking of starting a blog up I completely recommend it! Even without the events and the partnerships with companies, simply starting a blog with my best friend is one of the most exciting things I've done and also one of the most rewarding things. I'm so lucky to have Chlo who's just as ambitious as myself and is always there to kick me up the arse if I'm slacking.
7. Stop running away from your problems
It's okay to have problems, but address them. For a good six months of last year, I ran to get away from my problems. I either drank my way through them or I pushed them to the back of my mind (yes, I'm aware I lived a very unhealthy lifestyle lol). But I could never bring myself to address them, in the end causing even bigger problems and resulting in me doing something I regret so much. So accept the problems or challenges, find a solution and if there isn't one then move on from it.
8. Don't dye your hair
Bit of a random one...it looks lush blonde don't get me wrong, you're killing it lol! But the bleach has completely ruined it, it's nowhere near as thick and it's a pain to upkeep. Just keep your life easy and stay brunette lol.
9. Put more effort into making yourself a better person rather than how you look
On that note of hair dyeing, this is a big one I've learnt. I wish I had spent more time growing up trying to be a kinder, more forgiving person but I spent more time in front of the mirror. Although I still spend quite a bit of time dolling myself up, I spend more of it investing in myself from the inside. I've been meditating and reading books to help become a better version of myself. I'm getting there and I'm constantly challenging myself to be a better person. They always say to find someone who makes you want to be a better person, but why not do it for yourself.
10. Ask for help
One day you will hit a bump in the road, in my case a massive pot hole and you'll have kept all these problems locked away for months and you won't know how to deal with them. You'll think you can deal with them yourself but you can't, so just stop being so stubborn and ask for help. I did, I seeked professional help, I still am now and it's been the most enlightening time, finally having someone to help me figure out my thoughts and find solutions to them.
11. Set boundaries
Why did I never do this!! Saying 'no' is so important, you simply cannot do everything. Half of the things I did last year, I did them because everyone else was and not because I wanted to do them. I essentially just lived my life on what was happening in other peoples. It's okay to say no to plans, to not answer a phone call, to make self-care a priority...that's perfectly healthy.
12. Not everybody has your best interests at heart.
Unfortunately this was a lesson I had to learn last year and I learnt it through one of the lowest points. Sometimes people only want what they can get from you and aren't there when you need them the most. They can use you to get to other people, they can be toxic and unhealthy when it comes to your confidence and not everyone has the same heart as you. It's important to recognise these people and cut them out of your life, I only want honest people who I know will be at my side if I need them, as I would do the exact same.
13. Don't spend so much time out of the house
Cherish your family and spend more time with them. Even if it is sitting on the sofa watching shit TV. It's memories and the conversations you'll miss out on you will regret. Besides, think about how much money you'll save by not being on the piss lol.
14. Wear your Glasses
Thanks for leaving me with poor eyesight because you're too lazy to put your pissing glasses on.
15. Don't get eyelash extensions
Quite simply you'll be addicted and waste far too much money on eyelash extensions. You bet though it'll be the first thing I do once we get out of lockdown!
16. Love yourself
I've finally learnt to love myself ! Being happy with yourself and in your own company is one of the best feelings. I'm finding myself not putting myself down and making excuses for other people. I know what I deserve and it feels great. I really think this came from finally doing what I wanted to do and taking control of my life.
17. Pain is only temporary
Well I definitely figured this out. In the matter of months I changed my life around and helped myself and suddenly that pain is not so prevalent in my life anymore. I do get days when I get down and my anxiety and depression takes over. The whole world seems against me and I get worried that everything is going to come flooding back, but it's all about baby steps and taking it as it comes. When the days do come I talk to the close people in my life, like my family and my friends who have been incredibly supportive over the past few months. I know now that pain is only temporary and there is always light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes you just need to look a little harder to find it, sometimes it's recognising the small things in life that we have and being grateful for them.
18. Be present
Following on from the previous point, this has become a lesson that is so important. I stopped looking back at my past and worrying too much about the future. I feel like I'm more present, I enjoy the now moment rather than thinking how it could have been and what will happen. I stopped worrying about making decisions I'm not ready to make, like moving out and started to enjoy the time I've got living in my family home with my parents and brother. Being present is refreshing. It's these moments that I enjoy, I'm sitting out in the garden, in the sun, birds are singing and I'm writing a post for our very own blog! It might be my birthday and I might be stuck indoors, but I'm appreciating the time to de-stress and these simple moments.
19. Trust the path your on
I have got more spiritual in the past year and it's made me recognise the fact that the universe has a plan for me. I'm on the right path, it might be scary because I don't know what the path involves but I embrace everything that occurs. Everything happens to teach you a lesson or show you more about yourself! When things don't work out your way believe that it was not right for you and you're on your way to something better. When I didn't get a job in the prison service last year, I was wounded but I found a job at a place I loved working at, with a really cool team and now I'm a supervisor for the same company. That wouldn't have happened if I had got the prison service job and to be honest I'm not sure I would've been as happy as I am now. It may not seem like a big deal to some, but to me it shows me that it was meant to happen and I am on the right path.
20. Check up on your family and friends more
I went through such a selfish stage when I had my own mental health problems and I didn't really take the time to check up on the closest people to me. It only takes five minutes to call up someone and ask how they are or a hug to make sure someone knows they're loved. For me it was about going and visit my sister more, hug your gramps and spend more sober time with your friends. I think in times where you're not able to see them, it becomes obvious how valuable these moments are and how much you wish you could do those things now. I am so lucky to have the people I do in my life, and I couldn't bare the thought of them struggling or feeling alone. So check up on them more!
I'm very aware how deep that got, thought it was going to be a few funny lessons but I really did have a year filled with growth and I can't wait to see what the next year holds.The main thing is that whatever get's thrown at me I plan to enjoy it.
Love Ab x
I HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING OKAY IN LOCKDOWN. IF ANYONE IS STRUGGLING PLEASE GIVE US A MESSAGE ON OUR SOCIALS AND WE WILL BE HERE TO LISTEN OR ADVISE AS WELL AS WE CAN.
LOOK AFTER YOURSELF!
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